How to Avoid The Sucker’s Choice
If you missed my previous post on Uncomfortable Conversations, you can see the explanation of The Sucker’s Choice here. I really liked learning about this principle and here’s how you avoid it:
- Clarify what you really want.
- Clarify what you really don’t want.
- Present your brain with a more complex problem by combining the first two items into an and question that forces you to search for more creative and productive options. e.g.
- Is there a way to tell your peer your real concerns and not insult or offend him?
- Is there a way to talk to your neighbors about their annoying behavior and not come across as self-righteous or demanding?
Mastering Your Stories
In every crucial conversation whether you realize it or not, you are telling yourself a story about what is happening. You might be inventing reasons for why another person is acting how they are or filling in blanks in your knowledge in other incorrect ways. Particularly, watch out for these three clever stories:
- Victim Stories – “It’s Not My Fault”
- Villain Stories – “It’s All Your Fault”
- Helpless Stories – “There’s Nothing Else I Can Do”
How to Speak Honestly Without Offending
- Speak with Confidence
- Speak with Humility
- 3. Speak with Skill
What to Do When You Still Disagree?
Sometimes despite our best efforts in Crucial Conversations, you might still ended up disagreeing with the other party. In this case, remember your ABCs:
- Find what you do Agree with.
- Build on those points.
- Compare the differences.
The Four Methods of Decision Making
There are four common ways of making decisions:
- Command
- Consult
- Vote
- Consensus
How to Choose Which Method to Use
- Who cares?
- Who knows?
- Who must agree?
- How many people is it worth involving?
Has anyone else read “Crucial Conversations? Did you get have any other principles that you really enjoyed? Have you implemented any of these principles in your crucial conversations with any success?
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